"He's in the army, I think he's a bomb disposable expert - throw away and use once!!"
2 "ladies" get on the 79 bus in Ballyfermot.
Lady 1 goes to her seat while lady 2 pays the fair and I can hear in the distance "ya what??... ah here!". As lady 1 makes her way down:
Lady 2: "whats up?"
Lady 1: "De bus fair is after goin' up... ridiculous it is"
Lady 2: "Ah you'd be quicker wallllkin'!!"
**Logical thinking, the extra weight of the coins increases the bus's weight and causes the trip to be longer**
On the bus travelling to the airport a guy behind me was talking on the phone quite loudly to a friend of his telling him about a wedding he had just been to. He said the groom on the night before the wedding had been asked what was the moment he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the woman he was about to marry, replying in a thick country accent he said they had been on holiday in the West and one night in the hotel he had gone for a sh*t and a haemorrhoid had popped out, calling for help his then girlfriend had run in. ‘She pushed it right back in! That’s when I knew she was the girl for me!’ The guy on the phone was in knots laughing telling his story and I must admit so were much of the bus!
Getting on the 109 from town to Navan yesterday the bus driver turns to a woman of about 60 and says "Bejaysus thats a gorgeous perfume your wearing. That would encourage a hen to lay so it would".
A female work colleague of mine was telling me about a run of bad luck she recently hit. I replied that it was due to karma. She looked at me silently and confused for a few seconds before saying in a thick Dublin accent " wha?! Karma! Karma the frog?"
I work in a bookmakers and a guy comes in to put on a yankee bet.
"Can I put on a 50p yankee.... ah it's not p anymore is it"
Me: "Not anymore no"
"Yeah... still gettin' used to it...."
Waiting outside the Super Valu in Palmerstown and a young mother is walking out with her little girl (2/3) and she says to the little girl ahh look at the doggie, to which the little girl walks over puts her face into the German Shepard's face and calmly says "Fuck off doggie" and continues on walking home.