A Czech walks into a bar
I went to see my Irish friends for a few days recently. Whilst enjoying the usual craic in their local one evening a bloke obviously after having one too many appeared greeting his known giving me a suspicious glance. "This is Otto,a visitor from Prague" said one of others,the immediate answer came"wat,ur a f**king Polish builder?, f**k off". The black stuff and geography don't get along sometimes.
P.S. No harm done, I remember my fellas in the Prague local asking about my Dublin pals"which part of England are they from?"
Overheard by otto, a pub
Posted on Saturday, 01st December 2007
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Rating score (392) | Comments (4) | Email to a friend |
I'd prefer the stork.....
Sitting in my girlfriend's ma's house one evening with her ma, da, & 6 year old sister watching telly.
Program changes to a woman screaming in agony in a hospital bed & before we can change the channel her little sister asks what's wrong with her.... The ma answers 'She's having a baby love' and, without skipping a beat the little sister asks 'is it coming out of her arse or something?'..... As we were all pissing ourselves laughing she gets annoyes & shouts 'Are yis gonna f**king answer me or what?'..... Quality
Overheard by CollyWobbles, Girlfriend's house
Posted on Sunday, 02nd December 2007
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Rating score (443) | Comments (12) | Email to a friend |
Trouble at t'runway
I was aboard a flight from Heathrow to Dublin that had just landed.
There were two Yorkshire lads in front on me who had both just woken up from a little catnap.
Realising they were on the runway in Dublin the first one looks out the window, nudges the other and says...
"aye up..we're down!"
Overheard by banjobilly, While flying into Dublin
Posted on Sunday, 02nd December 2007
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Rating score (305) | Comments (8) | Email to a friend |
Love on the Luas
Was on the luas coming back from Dundrum when a guy and girl p**sed drunk get on.
The girl turns to my friend and as plain as day ask her "do you wanna roide me boyfriend?", then she turns to her boyfriend and asks him does he "want to roide her?"
Overheard by Boo, On the luas from dundrum
Posted on Sunday, 02nd December 2007
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Rating score (269) | Comments (6) | Email to a friend |
Think before you speak
A friend of mine was at a house party and bumped into a mate he hadn't seen in a couple of years. After finishing the conversation with his old mate he comes over to me and says "95% of the shit that comes out of his mouth is complete shite!"
Overheard by CP, UCD houseparty
Posted on Sunday, 02nd December 2007
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Rating score (349) | Comments (8) | Email to a friend |
Saturday 'noon
In work yesterday and a young couple approach my checkout with nothing but alcohol. I have a bit of trouble getting the security tag off a bottle of vodka, when the young man says,
"Sure ye can just break the seal, she'll be drinking it soon enough."
PS. This was around mid-afternoon.
Overheard by Lauren, Dunnes
Posted on Monday, 03rd December 2007
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Rating score (388) | Comments (5) | Email to a friend |
Press red
Sitting in the house with me da and me uncle, Woman on SKY TV says now press red for interactive....Me uncle says "Tony everytime I press the red button the bleeding telly goes off!"...Classic or what....
Overheard by Linda, at home
Posted on Monday, 03rd December 2007
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Rating score (404) | Comments (5) | Email to a friend |
The Language Barrier
Walking down grafton street a few weeks ago.
A chinese woman is giving out to a kid about 5 yrs old, in very fast chinese.
Two girls walking behind them and one says to the other: "Oh my God, How does she expect him to understand chinese, he's only 5!"
Overheard by Sean, Grafton Street
Posted on Monday, 03rd December 2007
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Rating score (388) | Comments (15) | Email to a friend |
You want what?
Walking through Trinity last summer, passed two guys, one shouted at me 'Hey, young one, will ya give us a go of your gash!?!'
How do you reply to that?
Overheard by Morris, Trinity, Dublin
Posted on Monday, 03rd December 2007
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Rating score (366) | Comments (12) | Email to a friend |
Planning a murder?
Man #1: "Did ya hear they are forecasting high winds and massive waves on the west coast this weekend?"
Man #2: "Yeah think I will bring the wife down for a stroll on the cliffs of Moher .........."
Overheard by Anonymous, in the pub when she was at the bar ordering a few pints ..
Posted on Monday, 03rd December 2007
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Rating score (400) | Comments (7) | Email to a friend |
A long time ago in a romper room far far away
Had brought my daughter to Play Zone in Celbridge, a kind of padded room for toddlers with ball pits, climbing frames, slides etc. Heard another father trying to coax his son into sliding down one of those enclosed, tube-like slides. Son looks into the dark hole at the top of the slide and goes to Dad
"But I don't want to go down the dark slide"
Dad thinks about it then goes
"Only by conquering your fears can you ever hope to defeat the dark slide"
Son still wouldn't slide down it!
Overheard by Bet Down Dad, Play Zone in Celbridge
Posted on Tuesday, 04th December 2007
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Rating score (642) | Comments (12) | Email to a friend |
Aer Lingus
I was collecting a ticket at the Aer Lingus ticket desk in Dublin Airport. I asked the guy whether Aer Lingus still did flights to Bristol. He replied, "Not anymore. We did fly there last year. It was an afternoon flight... but it never really took off". There was the tiniest pause as he realised what he'd just said then he bowed his head and started tapping away at his keyboard, presumably hoping I hadn't noticed his poor choice of words.
Overheard by Anonymous, Aer Lingus Ticket Desk Dublin Airport
Posted on Tuesday, 04th December 2007
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Rating score (387) | Comments (4) | Email to a friend |
Not only a cream
Working behind the bar in a hotel at a wedding when I get this beauty from a lad in his 20's, ordering for himself and his missus.
Young lad: "Can I get a bottle of miller and a white wine."
I bring him his beer and the wine(chardonnay)
Young lad: "ah no, ya haven't got that Savlon blanc. Do ya?"
Overheard by Mark, Stillorgan
Posted on Tuesday, 04th December 2007
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Rating score (299) | Comments (2) | Email to a friend |
