Philosophical
I caught the end of what must have been a rivetting conversation between two blokes sitting in a Dublin bar:
Bloke 1: "They only make a limited number of those ya know"
Bloke 2: "They only make a limited number of everything"
Bloke 1: "True, True"
Cracked up
Overheard by Jake, Dublin bar across from Jervis Center
Posted on Wednesday, 10th December 2008
Club Diva
In work the other day one of the lads talking about Club Diva in the Red Cow always known for fights say "I went to club diva last week looking for a fight and a disco broke out"
Overheard by brian, traders pub
Posted on Monday, 08th December 2008
She's bleedin' box ya!
Was nursin a pint in a pub in Portobello last weekend waitin on a mate. The publican had the news on the telly and the sport came on showing footage of that Irish girl who won the boxing title in China beatin the head off the chinese girl. Same fella then says "Jayzus if she told ye to be home at 6 you'd be home at 5!" Nearly fell off the stool.
Overheard by Horsebox, A pub in Portobello
Posted on Thursday, 04th December 2008
Monkee Business
I was at the bar waiting to get served when an aul fella noticed a young fella standing next to me wearing an Elvis T-shirt.
Aul fella: 'Here, young fella, can I ask ye a question? What's with the T-shirt? I mean, you're far too young to remember Elvis...'
Young Fella: 'I grew up listening to all the classics, Elvis, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, the Monkees...'
Aul Fella: 'Jaysis! The Monkees?! Well, if ye come back here wearin' a Monkee's T-shirt then you're a bleedin' daydream believer!'
To which the young fella wittily replied: 'Oh, I'm a Believer!'
Overheard by Fry, Madigan's Pub on O'Connell St.
Posted on Tuesday, 25th November 2008
Just plain nuts...
A bloke I work with told me this story...
When he worked as a bar man there were the usual bunch of aul fellas who regularly drank in his pub. One day one of them asked him for a bag of nuts. He asked the aul fella what kind of nuts he wanted and the aul fella asked what kinds there were. The barman listed off a variety, salted, dry roasted, honey roasted and pistacios. The aul fella asked him what pistacios were like as he'd never had them. He decides to buy a bag and promptly opens it and pours a few pistacios into his mouth.
He chews ands crunches his way through a few more before saying,
'Give us a bag of ordinary ones, these are very hard.'
Overheard by Mr. Spling, Pub in Dalkey
Posted on Thursday, 13th November 2008
The budding romance died there and then
Sittin in a bar and couple sitting next to me, obviously getting to know each other.
Woman: "Im a widow.....my husband was killed by a tube in London a few years ago."
Man: "You sure it was,nt a tyre, cos a tube is very light"
Overheard by Susie, Slatterys Rathmines
Posted on Wednesday, 29th October 2008
Two are better than One....
Whilst on a night out with some girl friends, we bumped into a crowd of overly friendly Northern guys on a stag party. As we were entering the pub, we were accosted by one guy in particular. He was very drunk and loud,(he happened to be the smallest in the group - around 5.5" I'm 5'10" - more in heels) he grabbed his crotch and announced that he had viagra and could take me on!!! to which I replied - "You'd better take two then they're only small" as I patted him on the head... he was lost for words as his friends fell around the place in uproar.
Overheard by Carol, Pub on Baggott Street
Posted on Wednesday, 29th October 2008
Romance is dead
was comin outta the toilets in a pub one nite when i overheard 2 lads chattin.
Lad 1: "Jeez ya'd a been well proud a me last nite, got ta poke some young one"
lad 2: "really?"
Lad 1: "ya, twice"
Lad 2: "was she drunk"
Lad 1: "Ya!!"
Nice!!!
Overheard by Caroline, in a pub
Posted on Tuesday, 21st October 2008
Alcohol good for the brain?
Overheard a couple of guys in the local last night talking about gazelle and alcohol and how they are related in a way.
Explanation went as follows.
'In the wild the gazelle travel in herds, and have natural predators such as lions and cheetahs, when they get attacked by these predators it is usually the weaker, slower ones that get caught and killed hence survival of the fittest, and thus having these fit gazelle left in the herd ensures better survival as they follow reaction times and direction of the fitter gazelle.'
Now if Gazelle were brain cells and its natural predator alcohol, the alcohol would attack and kill the slower and weaker brain cells thus helping the brain be fitter clearing out the weak cells.
This can be clearly seen in action as when you have had a skin full of alcohol you feel like a fricking genius!!
How true...
Overheard by Jim, Keelings pub, Donabate
Posted on Monday, 20th October 2008
Sniper
A few years ago I was in a night club out in portmarnock,
when i noticed a lad in the corner of my eye heading over to probably one of the less attractive women in the place as though he was heading over to chat this girl up, after 30 seconds or so I heard "I wouldn't take you out with a sniper rifle"
Overheard by Anonymous, Tamango\'s, Portmarnock
Posted on Thursday, 16th October 2008
I'm Cold
While in a pub, two young lads are sitting at the bar. Lad 1: "It's bloody freezing today.." Lad 2: "Yeah I know, where's Global Warming when you need it!!"
Overheard by Anonymous, In a Dun Laoighre Pub
Posted on Monday, 13th October 2008
One for the road
Outside our local pub a while back there was a commotion over who was going to drive the car home. One woman was asking her friends for help getting the keys off her husband.
She shouts over to her friend-
"Mary will ya help me, he's not driving home in that state".
"The last time he drove home like that, he hit everything but the bleedin lotto"
Overheard by Derek, Local pub
Posted on Monday, 13th October 2008
disfunctional
In the Gravediggers pub in Glasnevin. Two aul blokes sitting drinking pints and chatting. One says to the other - YOU come from a disfunctional family, to which the other replied - at least I'm not from the SOUTHSIDE.
Overheard by Anonymous, Gravediggers pub, Glasnevin
Posted on Friday, 10th October 2008
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